Tonight the tears Fell

Tonight I went to the trailor with Katie so she could take a bath and while we was there i cried for about 30mins. I started looking through pictures and found a bunch of me and Michael when we was happy and in love and remembering the good times made me cry. I have missed those good days for a few years now. A part of me really misses him and the other part is glad he is gone because I do not miss the arguing we did all the time. I was not happy and neither was he but now he knows he lost a good thing because I was really good to him and did everything for him. I really miss his family. They all mean a lot to me. I love them all and I am truly going to miss them and I hope they dont all hate me because i can't handle that. I really miss my dad and I dont think he would be very happy with my decisions I have made in life. But maybe if he was here everything would be different. But he is gone and there is nothing I can say or do about it. I just wish he was here for me to talk to. I think his words of wisdom would help me through this hard time in my life. He was always such a strong person and was always there to listen and help me with life's troubles. I also miss Michaels grandmother. I loved her just like my own grandmother. She has been gone almost 2 months and I can't believe it. I know she is in heaven looking down on us all and Im sure her heart is breaking because me and Michael are getting a divorce and I am sure she is very disappointed in the choices Michael and I have made in our lives but I pray she some day forgives us both. As I sit here in this tiny camper day by day I feel like the walls are falling in on me and I dont know how to stop it. Depression has taken over my life once again. I am back to that dark spot I said I never wanted to be in again. Well I have arrived and i just want to leave town. Run away...but as I have learned many times it does no good to leave. Well I am gonna go for now Blog but not forever!