My new Job

Well I got a new job down here in gulfport as a cashier. It didn't take me long to realize how much I missed working in retail. I never thought I would get back into retail but I still love it. It is rough on my back but I am dealing with that the best I can. Take the pain and go on with it. I still like living here. I have been here over a month. Its been several weeks since I have seen my family and I do miss them. Ive never been this long without seeing them. It is hard but I can handle it. I talk to them every day and that helps. Katie came for the weekend to see me and we have had a good time hanging out. It was good to see a familiar face. I don't know anyone here except CeCe and Stephen and the people I work with. They are all nice and I enjoy working with them. I am only making minimum wage but that is better than nothing. It is full time so I am proud of that. I was really beginning to worry if I was going to find a job or not. But it happened and I am happy. Michael is driving me crazy wanting me back. I had a long talk with his Aunt tonight about it and my mind is made up. I am better without him because all he is going to do is bring me back down and thats not something I need in my life when I have came so far now. I don't want to be back in that dark hole again. It was no fun there. There are things I miss about him and things I dont miss. I can't physically, mentally or emotionally take the arguing anymore. 5 years of it was enough and I deserve much better than that. I was really good to him and he never appreciated it until I was gone and wasnt doing shit for him every day. Well that was his loss. He fucked that up. I hope he finds a woman or man that treats him the way he treated me. I am going to go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe..

Living in GulfPort

This morning I packed the rest of my stuff into CeCe's car and headed south to my new home in GulfPort. It was hard to say bye to all my family but I know I will be happier here with CeCe and Stephen. Stephen and I have gotten close and I like it. I am so glad to be able to see my babygirl every day. I have waited 8 months for this. Being away from her weeks and months at a time was so hard. I will miss my family. I have never been away from them all like this. Momma got very upset driving off from me this morning but I know in a few days she will be ok. I thought I would cry as I drove down the driveway but I didn't. In a way I felt relieved. I am sure in time I will start missing Pontotoc but as of right now I do not. Im ready to get a job and get started living my life here. It is so beautiful here and I am with 2 of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Makes life grand. I brought Snickers back with me today and she seems to be adjusting well to the change. Her and Bo play well together. Im glad they like each other. I dont think sylvester likes her too much. maybe in time he will be ok with her. Right now all 3 of us are sitting on the back porch watching SurvivorMan. It is a cool show. I am gonna go for now but not forever. I love you Cece!
 

In the Great place called Gulfport

I am in Gulfport with my baby. The trip down here was great...and when we finally got here it was even better. I am so glad to get to spend these days with her. I have missed her a lot and have been dying to be with her again. Stephen is going to fix my car. He is a great guy. I will be paying them back even though they say Im not. It was good to see BoBo when we got here. He has gained a little weight since last time I seen him. He is an awesome dog. The weekend has just began. I so needed this time with CeCe. I can't wait to go down to the beach and walk around with her. I am goig to go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe

Had a great week

My baby came wednesday night and stayed til Sat morning. I think this was the hardest time I have had after her leaving. It killed my soul. I love this girl so much and i enjoy every minute we spend together. I had an awesome time with her here. Just being around her makes me so happy. Our intimate times were amazing. The times just laying in bed talking were amazing also. Driving her car and having her sit beside me and us talking and my hand on her leg was great. I had a little emotional break down thursday night. I had so much on my mind and I have made a lot of mistakes and I hope she knows I do love her with everything in me no matter what mistakes I have made and she is my whole world and I can not live my life without her in it. I feel us growing closer again and i love this feeling and I never want us to grow apart again. I never want to go thru that and feel that again. I never want to make her feel that way again. She is my life and my world. I had the best time with her here. I started orientation this week and it has only been 2 days and I am mentally exhausted with all the stuff i have to learn. I hope I can do this and do it good. Its going to be a stressful job but I think I can do this. We have to do the documenting right on with no mistakes and thats what worries me the most. But I am sure I am stressing for nothing. Right now i need a stiff drink...but thats not happening because I have to be back in orientation in the morning....the rest of the week is going to be stressful...Thursday and Friday are going to be physical...hopefully I will get through this without hurting myself. I am gonna go for now but not forever. I Love you CeCe

Good Morning

Well I stayed with Leann last night. Her and I stayed up like really late talking about a lot of things. She is trying to do better and I hope she continues. I do love her with all my heart. I slept in her big ass comfortable bed with her :) Haven't slept in bed with her since I was little. We laid in bed and talked for a while too and then we both drifted off to sleep. I tossed and turned a lot but I slept ok. I have got to someone figure out a way to get my mind to stop racing at night so I can sleep. Just have way too much on my mind. I really hope I get a call from the man at MillCreek next week. If I can get on there I want to save money and then transfer to Magee, Ms. I am ready to leave Pontotoc. Although some think I won't, they will see. I have to get the 2 window units put in my trailer today if it will not rain all day. It isn't raining right now but no one is up to put them in for me. I feel so tired. My back is hurting some this morning. I had an intense dream and I think I stayed tensed up during the whole dream and it made my back hurt. Im fixen to go find me something to drink and just relax a little while. I am gonna go for now but not forever.

Been a While

It has been a while since I have blogged. A lot has actually happened. A few weeks ago CeCe and I met in Richland and stayed the night in a hotel. It was great to spend time with her. We have went through a lot lately and we both have shed tears and made mistakes but we are doing ok. I do love her with all my heart and I want to be with her the rest of my life. I could never love anyone like I love that woman. She completes me and she is my reason for living everyday. She warms my heart and gives me butterflies. She always knows how to make me laugh and she always listens and cares when something is wrong. We live far apart but she is with me every second in my heart. I gave her my heart a long time ago and she holds it gently and I hold hers. She is my world and I miss her every second of every day. It is hard not getting to see each other but we have been together for 6 months and we have made it this far. Grant it we have had our problems like everybody does in a relationship. Our only real problem is the distance but we have hung in there so far and we have made it. I fucked up really bad and I almost lost her and I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't of forgiven me. We both have made mistakes and it caused a lot of mixed feelings but I know in time we will be back to the way we was. My heart beats only for her. She will prolly never fully understand what she means to me. When the time is right I will tell her but even then Idk if she will fully understand. She doesn't realize how beautiful and wonderful she really is. The touch of her hand makes my heart melt. No one has ever done that to me. I give her my heart, mind, body and soul. I am very much in love with her. And everyday it gets stronger....and at the same time everyday it gets harder being away from her. My heart longs for her, my body aches for her and my eyes cry for her. Hopefully soon we will see each other again. On the 28th of June I had a fun party and it was fun. Rehgan, Becka, aunt gail, aunt ruby, laken, and katie came. We all had a good time. The next day after my party I went to the lake for 3 days and I had a good time and I took snickers and she enjoyed herself. I came home earlier than I had planned because I got sick while I was there and I am still sick but I am better than I was. I went to the dr and got 2 shots and they helped for a few days, but it hasn't completely went away. On the 28th of July Rehgan and Becka are having a fun party and they are serving Hunch punch...thats gonna be interesting. I know we will all have fun. CeCe and Stephen got moved in their new house this past week and weekend and I know they are really tired and ready to just rest. I know they are going to be happy there and I am happy for them. They have a great marriage. Something I always wanted but never had. But shit happens. 2 days ago I was at Wal Mart and Michael and I made eye contact and that was very disturbing to me. The way he looked at me was a look he has never given me. After we made eye contact he made a beeline for the back and he stayed in the back I guess until I was out of the frozen section. Its hard to look at him and not think about the 5 years I spent with him. Do I want him back? No i dont...I do miss his presence at times because I hate being alone. I do sometimes miss how he would make me laugh and I miss the michael that I once loved....but people tell him I say I want him back and I have never said that. Me and him tried too many times to make this marriage work and it just wasn't meant to be like I once thought it was. I have moved on and I love someone else now and I hope he has fell in love again to and I do honestly wish him nothing but happiness. I talked to my baby for a while on the phone tonight. It is always so relaxing to talk to her and she makes me laugh. I am so incredibly happy with her. Baby I love you so much and please never forget that. I am gonna go for now but not forever. I Love you CeCe

Just another Day

Well its friday...I have physical therapy at 3:30...not looking forward to that but I recon I gotta go. Hope mom is feeling better today after falling yesterday. She is just going to be sore for a few days. Guess Im going to have to start doing everything for them so the dont get hurt...seems like every time something happens when Im not doing it for them. Idk what else I will do today. I guess clean house. Im still at Katies right now. Leann is gone to work and Katie and Nicki are still in the bed. I didn't sleep worth a shit as usual. I should have just gotten drunk like I wanted to. But I didn't...Tonight may be a different story...Im sure Leann will go to the VFW again...so Idk what Katie is gonna do. I guess her and Nicki will either stay at home or come to my house to keep me company..or hell I may just come back down here and keep them company. Either way is fine with me. Im gonna go for now but not forever.