Been a busy day

Well today has been an ok day pretty much. Mother nature is about to get on my nerves but it didn't stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I went to my trailer and cleaned the kitchen. It was very emotional at times but I made it thru it. When I first got there I found a poem I had written about my daddy a while back and i am not sure how it even got there..but it did..I found a few pics also. But the kitchen is all cleaned and I am happy with how it looks. I have got to get started on the livingroom soon...hopefully tomorrow I will feel up to it. Tomorrow will be a long day for my honey. I am gonna help her thru it best way I can from 300 miles away. Everything is going to be just fine tho. I really miss her a lot. I can't wait to have her in my arms again. In a few weeks I will be able to be with her again. I'm really excited. I love every moment we spend together and I cherish those moments. I have plans to express myself to her that weekend. This will be something I have never done but I feel the need to do it. I want her to know exactly what she means to me and how deep I love her and there is a few other things I am going to talk about that she has been wanting to me to talk to her about. The best thing is...this time when I am crying she will be there to hold me like I need her to and like she has been wanting to do. This woman is my world. I did a lot of thinking over the weekend while I was at Paulas and I have realized its time to move on with my life and get myself together and that is exactly what I am going to do. It is going to be a long road but I am going to do it. CeCe believes in me and helps me through everything more than she knows. Without her I couldn't do this. I am ready to love me again and start my new life. I want to get a job of some kind and stay at my trailer and save money for a while and then plan to move south in time. I do not know how long it will take me, but Im going to make it happen. Aunt Gail just text and asked if I would massage her back. So I guess Im gonna head over there and take care of her for a little while. Im gonna go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe.

Opening Up

Well last night I told a story that I have been avoiding for a long time because I hate thinking or talking about it. It was seriously hard to tell it and I did cry. When you get hurt that bad it is extremely hard to talk about the situation. I am not sure why I haven't already told CeCe the story, but I hadn't until now. I am sure she has always wondered what happened. Well now she knows. I am a little worried about her. She has a lot on her mind and she is questioning different things. No matter what I will always stand by her and be here for her. I am still not sure after a little over 4 months whats this woman has done to me. I don't know why it is sometimes so easy to talk to her and open up to her after I promised myself I would never do that again. What we have is real and my heart is content. I am very comfortable with her and I honestly do not believe she will ever hurt me like I have been hurt in the past. I trust her with everything in me and I have come to realize how much she does care about me. I made her upset yesterday because she is tired of me giving in and getting "used". I am not used to someone giving a damn. I see now how much she does care. I was so glad to get to talk to her this morning. Its always nice to wake up to her voice. She is my sunshine :). She is leaving today for laurel. I hope she has a beautiful weekend with her family. I know she misses them all so much and she loves them so much. Stephens surgery is a few days away. I know he is super excited and CeCe is nervous. I am going to get up with her that morning and be by my phone incase she needs me. I really want to go to paulas this weekend...but Idk if ill be able to or not...guess we shall see. I can't believe it is fixen to be May already. Its crazy how fast this year is going by. Well I am gonna go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe

Love My Honey

Sitting in the music room skyping with my honey and loving seeing her beautiful smiling face. I miss her so much and it hasnt even been that many days since I have seen her. I love her so much. She just doesn't know. But I have promised her I will tell her one day just exactly how I feel. So that time will be coming soon. I love skyping with her and listening to our songs. I love looking into her beautiful eyes as we listen. She is so wonderful. She doesn't think so but to me she is amazing and I could not ask for anything more. I love her with all my heart. I am really not sure why but I felt like typing all this out. I know you are going to read it baby and I want you to know every word is true. I am so thankful for you. You are my everything and please never forget that. Im gonna go for now but not forever..I love you CeCe

Don't feel good

Well apparently I am getting sick. My ear has been hurting all day. For the past hour I have had cold sweats. I have 101.3 fever. that sux. I have actually had a good day. I hate being sick. I gotta try and find my ear drops. I got to talk to my sweetheart for a while on the phone when she got off work today. I love talk to her and hearing her voice. She always makes me smile. I love that girl so much. I am so ready to get out of here. I feel trapped and I am miserable. My only happiness is CeCe. I can't wait be near her and have a life a way from here and get a job and live on my own again. I am just ready to live my own life.  I washed the dishes today. i got tired of seeing knats flying around. The kitchen is still a mess. I guess it will stay that way until I finally give in and clean it. That's how it has been going ever since I moved in. I leave for a few days and the whole house gets destroyed. I swear I do not understand it at all. My honey told me not to clean their mess so I haven't..except the dishes. But I haven't did anything else. I have to take Aunt Gail to the dr. tomorrow. She is in severe pain with her gallbladder. I do believe it is time for it to come out so she doesn't hurt anymore. I'm tired of seeing her in pain. Well I am gonna go for now but not forever. My hands are hurting..Fucking carpal tunnel bullshit. I love you baby!

Happy

Today is a whole new day. Last night I got drunk..yeah maybe I shouldn't have drank that much. Got a slight hangover today. Im good tho. I really miss my honey. We had a good weekend and I hated for her to go home but I know she has her life in GulfPort. Im so excited she told me she got us tickets for Bret Michaels concert. That is such a dream come true. This woman is changing my life and is changing me. I am a better person with her. I have never loved so deep in my life. I would die for her. I have never felt so deep for someone to do that except like my mother. I love being able to call her mine. She is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last at night. What her and I have is so real. The way we feel for each other is real and we have a strong bond and our love will overcome all the obstacles that cross our paths. We have made it so far. We do hate living so far a part but so far it is working out. I am hoping to solve the distance problem. It may take time but I plan to get the hell out of here. I need to make a life elsewhere for a while. Start my life over and move on from my past. I still have not heard from Michael so I really have no idea what is actually going on with our divorce. Who fucking knows...cause I don't. Looks like Im going to have to get my lawyer to get his ass in gear or something...Idk what Michael is thinking other than he doesn't want to pay momma what he owes her. I'm just ready to be divorced and move on with my life. I have been depressed and shit a lot but above all I feel so much better without him. Took me a while to get passed it all...but I'm not having to argue with someone everyday and I have a peace of mind for the first time in years. It feels good to finally be free. Now I just gotta focus on getting my life together and my future with CeCe. She is wonderful...but she doesn't see that she is beautiful and wonderful. But she definently is and I love her with everything in me. I am sitting here watching a movie on LMN. Its pretty good. Momma and David are still in the bed. Today is their 2 year anniversary. I can't believe it has already been 2 years. I still remember the first time I met David like it was yesterday. Yeah I didn't like the idea at first of him dating my mother but I couldnt stop her and I wouldn't stop her. Now I'm glad I just accepted it because I have never in my life seen her as happy as she is. They are still just as much in love as they were the day they got married. Momma was so beautiful on their wedding day...Memories...well I'm gonna go for now but not forever.. I love you CeCe

Sad

My baby doesn't feel good today. Makes me so sad. I wish she felt better. But mother nature is a bitch and all of us women go thru it and I hate it and I hate when she doesnt feel good. Mine is like 2 weeks late again. I guess it has rescheduled itself...lol...it tends to do that sometimes. Aunt Gail is taking a nap. Hustons fever has been up and down all day. I really hope his ear drum doesn't rupture. I dont want to see him in that kind of pain. He got hungry earlier and said he wanted noodles and tomatos...so I fixed it for him. We have all ate that for years. Most people have never heard of it much less ate it. But it tastes good. I gotta go home afterwhile and get stuff ready to go to Paulas this weekend. I am almost out of cigarettes and I feel an ill night coming on. I will prolly go to bed really early to keep from being so ill. I should just quit again but my nerves are too bad for all of that. Paula and Chris owe me close to $50...so I guess Ill be able to get me some cigs tomorrow afternoon. I worked out some yesterday and it didnt really hurt my back...so maybe I am good to go. I love working out. I love to sweat. I am going to get off here and wash dishes while Aunt Gail takes her nap. She didn't sleep much last night. Her chest and stuff was hurting again. She goes back to work tomorrow so we will see how that goes. Im gonna go for now but not forever. I Love You CeCe

So Excited

Well I found out last night that my sweetheart is coming this weekend to see me and Im so excited. I have truly missed her a lot. I can't wait to hug her and kiss her. I cherish every moment me share together. She is my life and my everything. I love you baby. Im just hanging out at Aunt Gails tonight and we are watchn "The Voice". Earlier today I was at Paulas and hanging out with them. We always talk about a lot of interesting topics...lmao...Gizmo is begging Aunt Gail for some of her apple pie....he is so funny. Little Bit is pissed off because she has a flea collar on. She is running around pouting and pissed. I hope I can sleep tonight. I didn't remember to bring my butterfly pillow with me so I don't have my snuggle buddy. But thats ok cause my baby will be here for 2 nights for me to hold. I let Aunt Gail hear a song earlier and me and her both was crying. Its called "My Angel" by Kellie Pickler.  Its a beautiful song. I just recently realized that May 10,th is around the corner..thats my daddys birthday and then June 21st he will be gone 5 years. I can't believe it has already been that long. On may 10th he would have been 65 years old. When I knew he was dying I prayed for God to let him live to have his 60th birthday. And in 07 he turned 60 and we had a big birthday party for him and then he died june 21...my prayers were answered. Well enough of that...I don't need to get emotional because I have had a good day. Im going to go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe

Nerves are shot!!!

I just got home from Paulas. I had to go over there and calm Daniel down. Him and Paula were fighting. So many harsh things were said. I don't know what is going to happen between them two. They just can't get along and Daniel has so much anger built up. Some reason I always end up in it..I guess I do that to myself...but thats all fixen to stop because I can't handle all the fighting. My nerves are too bad for all this bullshit. I miss my sweetheart. She has been on my mind alot today. I miss her touch, smile, laugh, kiss...everything. I can't wait to have her in my arms again. I love her with all my heart. Maybe one day I will be able to explain my love for her. I woke up this morning about 5:20 with really bad back spasms. They always take my breathe away...I guess if I hadnt of picked the big computer chair up over my head and carried it down the steps into the den i wouldnt have had them. Just hardheaded i guess...No honey I didnt tell you about it because I didn't want you to be mad at me...and I knew if I talked to you this morning you would know something was wrong...and I didn't want you mad or worrying about me. Im better now.... kinda....I love you honey....dont be mad at me please. Im gonna go for now but not forever!! I love you CeCe

The love of my life

You are loved beyond measure.

To me you are a beautiful treasure.

Over the past few months I have given you all of me.

You make me feel so loved and free.

You are my heart, my soul, my everything.

You have no idea how much you truly mean to me.

When I look at you I see perfection in every way.

I hope you know I am always here to stay.

I love all the time we spend together.

When I am in your arms I feel light as a feather.

Never forget how much I love you.

Always remember my love is true.

Its a beautiful day

Well I have spent most of my day inside cleaning. I have a load of dishes in the dish washer and a load of clothes in the washer and dryer. it sometimes seems never ending around here. At times I take breaks and go sit on the porch and enjoy the sunshine and soak up the fresh air. I am really missing someone a lot. not a day passes that i don't wish she was here with me or i was there with her. Hopefully in time we will be closer together. I checked on Aunt Gail and she is feeling better. i checked on Aunt Ruby and she is still sick. Rehgan and I have been texting all day talking about our lives now and our childhood and how much we miss the people we have lost along this road called life. They are all still in our hearts.I recon Rehgan will always be the sister I never had. Though she strayed at times we always found our way back to each other...she will always be a special person in my life and I have always been able to talk to her about anything. I am sitting here at the kitchen table listening to music and momma just came in from the barn. We are just chatting. I am going to fix hamburger helper for supper I recon. I am always coming up with something interesting to cook. I am thinking about writing some poems. I haven't in a while. I have a lot of love to express so maybe Ill do that. Well the clothes are done washing and drying so I guess I better go swap them out and put some more on. Im gonna go for now but not forever. I love you Cece Marks!!

Weekend with my baby

Thursday morning katie and I arrived in Gulfport at 11:30. I felt so free. CeCe was at work so I took a nap and waited on her to get home. I melted when I first seen her and when she hugged me. I have never felt so alive as I did when I was with her. She showed me things I have never seen before and took me places I have never been. I realized how much I do truly love her. Just laying my head on her shoulder as she drove melted my heart. This weekend will be a weekend I will never forget. The beach is amazing and so peaceful at night. My mind was so clear sitting on the beach with her. I felt like I didnt have a worry in the world. It was so nice to feel that way for a few days. Waking up to her beautiful face was amazing. The sex was amazing but just being in her arms was the best part and just sitting next to her on the couch and her having her head on my shoulder while she slept....it just felt so right. Everything felt so right. This is the happiest I think I have ever been. I cried when I realized I had to come back home. It broke my heart to have to leave and watching her drive away this morning to go to work bout killed me...but i had to pull myself together and get on the road home. I got home about 12:30..and the damn house was a mess...trips me out...i took a short nap and then did a little cleaning. Im still so tired...it will take me a few days to recooperate. I miss cece so much already. I never thought I could miss someone so quick...and continuously...but it has happened. Cece thank you for a great weekend and showing me your world and showing me how much you do love me. I had the time of my life and I really do miss you and I love you so much and I dont think I could even put into words how much. Im gonna go for now but not forever. I love you baby.

Been a good day

I got to ride my 4 wheeler a good bit today. It was fun...I felt free for a little while. Then I played around with cheer. She gave me lots of kisses....i wub her!!! She is so beautiful...I really hope momma can win a place in the horse show with her. I have a headache again..thats always great..Aunt Gail came over for a while this afternoon....its always nice to see her shining face :)....so i am skyping with CECE right now and she is playing the one song i truly hate and Im gonna kick her....I am sitting out in the patio listening to the music she is playing and the fucking tree frogs that wont shut up...but its peaceful out here...the day is growing nearer that I get to go to Gulf Port and see my honey. Super excited....ok so my head hurts so im done typing now.... I love you Baby

****Beautiful****

I did not sleep much last night as usual. I got to talk to my honey several times today on the phone and on facebook. Talking to her thru out the day always makes my day so much better. Just the sound of her voice makes me weak. I posted the poem I wrote for her a little over a month ago. I just thought I loved her a lot at that time. There is no comparison to how much I love her now. I really love skyping with her and talking on the phone and texting her. She has completely changed me and I am loving it. I love you baby... :) :) 

Poem I wrote on 3-11-12 for my Baby

Love is Gentle, Love is Kind

Love is gentle, Love is kind. 

I am so glad I can call you mine.

You are my life, you are my world.

In my eyes you are the perfect girl.

You bring out the best in me.

It's your eyes I long to see.

The touch of your hand gives me chills.

I'll never forget the way you feel.

It's not easy living apart.

But baby I do love you with all my heart.

I love the way you look at me and how you make me smile.

You in my life makes it worth while.

I hope you know how much I love you.

Always know my love is true.