Life

So much has happened since I last blogged. I am getting a divorce. he moved out 6 days ago. I am currently in a relationship with a woman from GulfPort. We have been together for close to 2 months. She is amazing and I have fallen in love with her and she loves me. I am a lesbian now. Still mostly in the closet but I am done with men. I don't have time to put up with their attitudes I have not been happy for a long time and its time for me to be happy for a change. Trena and I are no longer friends and that bothers me from time to time but I guess in time i will get over it. I wish her all the happiness in the world. A lot has happened in my life in the past 3 or 4 months. I have lost contact with people and made new friends. I am not going to be used anymore by anyone. I love katie my cousin. She has really been here for me and I am not sure I could have made it thru this past week without her. I can't stay in my house. I am living in my moms camper. But i am ok with that for right now. I will move back to my place as soon as i get me a job...Life will be good one day and i will be completely happy with myself and my life. But until then Im living life one day at a time. Thats alla person can do in my situation. But i am learning how strong i am. I wasnt sure i could do this...but i am doing it.

YESTERDAY

Yesterday was a terrible day...Me and Trena got in a big arguement and was cussing each other. In 12 years we have never cussed each other out. She said mean things to me and I said mean things to her. But a part of me does not regret anything I said because she has hurt me many times and sometimes people need to be told off. She let me know real quick she was going to find her kids a new God Mother since I'm throwing our friendship away. I love her kids with all my heart. But it is her choice to take me out of the paperwork. IDK who the new God Mother will be. Then my brother calls me and says he just got out of jail. I knew I hadnt heard from him in a day or so. Apparently him and his friend were drunk and out walking the roads and a cop pulled over and asked them where they was going and they said walking to the store. So then the cop said he smelled alcohol and he got out of the cop car and tried to get them to take a breathalizer test and they both refused and they started cussing the cop out and he got 3 more cops to come to where they were and they kept cussing all the cops out and calling them names and told them they aint shit just cause they got a badge on. Well they went to jail and was charged with public Drunk and something else to do with arguing with the cops. Daniel says he didnt do nothing wrong and he is going to take out harrassment papers on them. This was his last chance to get in trouble. Next time he will be in prison and he does not even care. I guess he likes jail. I worry bout him all the time. I just know one day I am going to get a call saying he has OD'd on something or he is in prison or has been shot. I just have a feeling he is going to have a short life because he says he is not going to change because he can't. Cause of his "Gang" people. He says he is in the "gang" because when he goes to prison they will have his back and they all protect each other. Thats such bullshit and it breaks my heart. There isn't anything I can do about it. He is 20 and makes his own decisions in life. All I can do is pray for him and I do that a lot. I have shed many tears worrying about him. I can't worry myself to death tho cause i obvisously see he isnt going to change. Me and Katie went to Ecru for about 30 mins yesterday and when we got back we realized we forgot to let snickers out before we left. I open the door and what do i find? my fav pair of flip flops that I've had for years chewed to pieces...I just fell to my knees and cried cause I had about had all I could handle. I threw her outside. I picked up the pieces and threw them away. I was so mad. Today Paula and Chris and katie are coming over for a Super Bowl party. Not at all excited bout that. Id rather Michael leave and go to their house and me stay here all by myself. But I guess I will just get over it. I have 2 Digornio pizzas that I am going to cook and some cheese sticks. Gotta go get some chips and dip and drinks. Maybe everybody will be happy with that. I wish I had some vodka. Id really love to get fucking drunk and pass out. But can't do that either. I haven't heard from my friend much lately I guess we are not what we used to be. I can't change that either. I got upset a few times but there is nothing I can do about it. I care for her and I hope she knows that. And Ill always be here when she needs me. I just need to kno

Been A Few Days

It has been a few days since I have blogged. I have had a lot going on and I have had a lot of confusing days here lately. I don't know what to do about some things and some people. I got my hair cut today and I love it. I think it looks great on me. I'm prolly still ugly to everyone else but oh well. Over a week ago I deleted my bestfriend of 12 years off my facebook and she has not contacted me in any way to see why I deleted her. I guess she hasn't even noticed which is something i didn't expect. I thought she would notice. But I guess I know now that she really doesn't give a shit. Yeah that hurts a lot. I gave her 12 years of my life and it obviously means nothing to her. I guess everyone else was right. I guess I should have listened years ago but I wouldn't. In the end I always get hurt no matter what relationship I am in. Friendship, relationships, friend with benefits...Im a sucker I guess and I allow myself to always get hurt. I have always been too nice and always put my whole heart into everything. I gotta learn how not to do that. I am tired of getting hurt. I got new glasses. They are pretty cute. They look good on me with my new hair cut...Im done blogging for now....