Hmmmmm

Well I didn't sleep worth a shit last night. Couldn't go to sleep. I watched Prey...It was a good movie. Michael called me this morning and I had to meet him at 12 for his lunch. I took him his guitar and his pair of pants. He gave me half of the lightbill money and gave me some money. He is going next week to file for divorce. I hope today was the last time I have to come in contact with him because I gave him all his stuff that he had forgotten. I have no reason to talk to him now. I have a strange feeling he will be contacting me though. We did not talk much while we was together. We didn't even look at each other. I guess it is best that way. I was not sure how it would go being in the same vehicle together again. But it was fine and we did not argue. I guess not speaking is better than arguing and I am tired of arguing...I have dealt with that for 5 years and I am sick of it. I haven't heard from CeCe today...I have missed talking to her. I have a lot on my mind. My stepdad told me that he is always here for me anytime I need to talk and that he loves me. Im glad I have him to talk to when I need to talk. But still he isn't my dad and I really want to talk to my dad. But I guess thats out of the question...since he is not here...Man being in mommas house is really getting to me because this is the most time I have spent in her house since daddy died and a lot of memories are flooding back and make my mind wonder...idk how long it is going to take me to get used to living here and get used to all my memories of daddy here. Its really hard. I think of him all day long. Its getting harder to get thru the days. But I am trying to hold myself together and not completely break down. But I feel like im on the verge of a break down. I have the feeling that I want to get drunk...but I know that is not the answer to it all but I would surely feel good for a little while but I guess Im going to try to hold back from that. I just need something to ease my mind. I was offered some pot yesterday but I turned it down. Im not going down that road...can't do it...Im trying to keep my spirits up and keep myself together....its the only thing I know to do at this point. I am so happy I have CeCe in my life. I don't think I could make it without her. She makes me so happy and I am not sure she realizes how much she has changed my life. I love you baby.