Today

Today was not a good day at all. I have been very depressed for many different reasons. I hope all these thoughts and feelings soon go away. Tomorrow I find out about the job. I seriously hope i got it. I really need to go to work and not be here all the time thinking and being depressed. I can't get back like I was 2 years ago. I refuse to be that person again. I have felt so alone this weekend. No one to talk to and michael worked all weekend. The only happy time was when we played tennis. I have so missed playing tennis and I am really glad I am able to start back playing. Today i have felt worthless and like I have nobody. These kind of days are happening more often. My mind needs a break and needs to be free. I hope it comes soon. I'm tired of living like this and not being able to control my feelings or my emotions. I am tired of people hurting me and lying to me. Seems like everyone I come in contact with insists on hurting me in some way. Well that wall is going back up again so it doesnt happen anymore. My feelings matter too. But some people don't care to realize that. But that's ok. Their day is coming and they will see how it feels. I have wrote a lot of poems the past few days. It seems to help me release. I haven't wrote a poem in about a month until now. Now its like its all coming out and I have written 5 poems in 2 days. When your heart aches like mine has here lately the words come so easily. They are just freely flowing..im gonna go for now but not forever.