Visitation and Friendship gone to hell

Well a lot of people showed up for the visitation. She looked so pretty. But she didn't really look like herself. It was hard to look at her laying there. I miss her smile and her hugs. She was an amazing woman. I love her very much. It has all around been a bad day. I stayed on the couch all morning because I was depressed and Michael stayed in bed all day. I felt so alone. I had no one to talk to and I needed to talk to someone. But no one was there...thats nothing unusual tho...My so called Best friend really has hurt my feelings the past few days. It has took me 12 years to realize this has always been a 1 sided relationship. But im done...I will always love her...but I can't keep doing this....I can't believe how stupid I have been all these years. It is unreal. Everyone has told me over and over and I would never listen. I was so in love with her at 1 time and then for years we have been Best friends....its crazy. Idk what to do about everything anymore...I can't believe it is happening and that i finally see the truth. She is never here when i need her but im ALWAYS there for her. I dont understand how she can think that it is ok to be like that. I guess somethings are not meant to understand...goodbye for now but not forever!