Life

Trying to hold myself together. It's getting harder and the visitation and funeral is drawing closer...I am smoking more today than I have in a long time. My nerves are shot. I hold all my emotions inside as I always have. It will get easier in time. They are going to play one of the songs we had at my dads funeral and that is going to be so hard to handle. But I will survive. I gotta stay strong for all the family around me. I have a lot on my mind and a lot of people on my mind. There is several people I haven't seen in a while that I really want to see. I miss them terribly. Earlier my biological mother called. She sounded messed up...Idk what she had taken...she drives me crazy calling me all messed up like that...She reminds me of that song "Farmers Daughter" by Crystal Bowersox....I have been listening to alot of music today on youtube. When I am depressed I listen to depressing music for some reason. Idk what's up with that. I love to sing tho...and I am sure Michael is glad I can sing good since I have been singing all day. Maybe one day i'll sing for my girl...She has never heard me sing...Every body thinks i'm better than I think i am. But it whatever...Either way I love to sing. Justin tried to put me on youtube one time...I threatened to kill him if he did...so he didn't. I ain't all about that crap. I guess I'm going to get back on youtube and sing some more. Goodbye for now but not forever!!