I have No idea!

I got some rest today as well as washed a crap load of clothes. So sick of laundry. I have so much on my mind. Some things I just can't talk about. I wish I had someone to talk to about things. But I do not know how to open up to anyone. I try but then I chicken out. Idk why but I have always had trouble expressing myself and talking bout stuff. Maybe one day I will be able to. I only trust very few people in my life. You have to be pretty special for me to trust you. When you have been hurt over and over you learn to put a wall up and not let folks in. The people that are in my life know that. I really hope my friend is feeling better. I haven't heard from her since earlier today. Baby I hope you are feeling better. I am thinking about you... I really hate being depressed. I think i need to go to the dr and have my meds changed or something. I feel like they are not working anymore. I am getting more and more depressed here lately. I have also thought about go and seeing a psychiatrist. Idk if i would even be able to talk to one. I feel as if I am on the verge of another breakdown and I am not sure how to stop it. I feel so alone at times as i have for years. I do not know why I feel so lonely at times. Even when I have people all around me I still feel that way. My best friend has tore my heart out and she doesn't even realize or care anymore. Idk what to do about that. Wow I sound like a crazy person...I just have so much going on in my head. I have 0 friends anymore cause I got tired of all the bullshit drama. I have one special friend....I miss her and can't wait to hug her again. Kiss her neck. See her smile and hear her laugh... She is really sweet and fun to be around. She keeps me smiling. Thats what friends are for. Well Im going to go for now but not forever!