Hurting

I am sitting here with Aunt Gail. Her air quit in her trailer so she came over here so she don't have a heat stroke. I am hurting so bad and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should go to work and risk having to leave or just stay home and call in. I am sick to my stomach about this shit. I don't understand why it has to be this way and why I can't just be normal now. But apparently I am not supposed to ask why...but I do anyways. No matter if I am sitting, standing, laying, I can't get comfortable. It just sucks and it is so depressing. I gotta make up my mind what I am going to do. I was so hoping I would be able to continue to do CNA work but I am just not sure if i can or not. Time will tell. I really need someone to just hold me and tell me I am going to be ok. But the one person I need is 5 hours away. But just hearing her voice helps me and I know she loves me and would be here if she could. I guess I am just being a baby. Idk...I just need someone to pick me up and make me feel better. I fell asleep earlier and had a freaking stupid dream...I woke up pissed. Idk why I dream some of the things I dream. Some things just make no sense at all. We are sitting here watchin Days of Our Lives. Thats the only Soap Opera I have ever liked. Its getting sad because Lexi is going to die soon. I haven't done anything today. I was hoping resting would help me but it hasn't. I have so much I want to type but I just can't do it. Maybe I'm closing back up. Idk...I don't want to do that but I feel myself holding back on a lot of things with a lot of people. Idk...I am gonna go for now but not forever.