Nervous

I am so nervous about starting my new job tonight. I could throw up. I haven't worked since Oct...the first few nights are going to be rough. I am nervous cause its a new place and new people. I am also nervous because I am worried about my back. I keep telling myself that I am fine and that the dr fixed my problem. Im sure Im right and that I am fine. I just gotta be careful and not do anything stupid. I slept for almost 3 hours this afternoon. I know in the morning I am going to crash. I am going to be so tired. Will take me a few nights to get used to it. I am just sitting here with the tv off and staring at the walls thinking. Thats never good. I think way too much as it is. Momma and David are gone to the lake and it is so quiet in here. Feel kinda lonely in this big house. Next week I am prolly gonna get completely moved back into my trailer. That will be exciting. Start my new life without Michael. Will take me a while to get used to being there by myself but I know I can do it. I will be glad to get my first check. It will be small but its a start. I bought me a new pair of scrubs today. They are cute. I got me some shoes and a stethoscope yesterday. I gotta soon invest in a watch. I hate watches and im allergic to so many of them. But I gotta have one for vital signs. Tonight I will start orientation and work some on the floor with my trainer. Im excited to get to know all the residents. I hope they all like me. I hope all the girls I work with like me. I worry about things like that. Everybody always says I shouldn't worry because everybody always like me. I guess we will see. Aunt Kathy is having a cookout Saturday and I am going. I am going to relax and swim.  I am sure I will have to work that night so I will enjoy the swim. It will be nice to see all the family again. I am a little hungry and don't know what I want to eat. Ill think of something between now and then. It is such a weird feeling to be so ready to start working again and yet be scared to death. I have never been this scared about a job. Maybe I will get over it soon. I am gonna go for now but not forever.