Daddys Birthday

I woke up this morning with my daddy on my mind. He would have been 65 today. I got up for a few hours and then I went back to sleep. The whole time I was asleep I dreamed about Michael. I woke up crying. I wonder if he realizes today is daddys birthday. If he does I wonder what he is thinking or if he has cried. Daddys birthday is always so hard on me. I have so many mixed emotions and things I have to continue to work through. Later on I am goin to go to the cemetary. I hope the things I have to say will help me get passed a lot of things. Some things I have already gotten passed. I couldn't have done that without my sweetheart. I have never had someone to love and care for me like she does. She helps me all the time and I love her so much for it. The past few days my biological father has been on my mind a lot. I think a part of me wants to find him again. I should have never backed away from him back in 04. I should have kept in contact. I do believe he moved to Jackson. Maybe one day I will have the courage to find him and the courage to apologize for walking away from him. That is something I have to live with everyday. I have 2 brothers by him that I have only seen 1 time and that bothers me. I wonder if Mike (my biological dad) ever thinks of me and wonders how Im doing. I know I do him. Maybe I will start trying to find him again. I think I am ready for that now. Maybe Im thinking wrong...There is only one way to find out I guess. I am gonna go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe