Been a While

It has been a while since I have blogged. A lot has actually happened. A few weeks ago CeCe and I met in Richland and stayed the night in a hotel. It was great to spend time with her. We have went through a lot lately and we both have shed tears and made mistakes but we are doing ok. I do love her with all my heart and I want to be with her the rest of my life. I could never love anyone like I love that woman. She completes me and she is my reason for living everyday. She warms my heart and gives me butterflies. She always knows how to make me laugh and she always listens and cares when something is wrong. We live far apart but she is with me every second in my heart. I gave her my heart a long time ago and she holds it gently and I hold hers. She is my world and I miss her every second of every day. It is hard not getting to see each other but we have been together for 6 months and we have made it this far. Grant it we have had our problems like everybody does in a relationship. Our only real problem is the distance but we have hung in there so far and we have made it. I fucked up really bad and I almost lost her and I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't of forgiven me. We both have made mistakes and it caused a lot of mixed feelings but I know in time we will be back to the way we was. My heart beats only for her. She will prolly never fully understand what she means to me. When the time is right I will tell her but even then Idk if she will fully understand. She doesn't realize how beautiful and wonderful she really is. The touch of her hand makes my heart melt. No one has ever done that to me. I give her my heart, mind, body and soul. I am very much in love with her. And everyday it gets stronger....and at the same time everyday it gets harder being away from her. My heart longs for her, my body aches for her and my eyes cry for her. Hopefully soon we will see each other again. On the 28th of June I had a fun party and it was fun. Rehgan, Becka, aunt gail, aunt ruby, laken, and katie came. We all had a good time. The next day after my party I went to the lake for 3 days and I had a good time and I took snickers and she enjoyed herself. I came home earlier than I had planned because I got sick while I was there and I am still sick but I am better than I was. I went to the dr and got 2 shots and they helped for a few days, but it hasn't completely went away. On the 28th of July Rehgan and Becka are having a fun party and they are serving Hunch punch...thats gonna be interesting. I know we will all have fun. CeCe and Stephen got moved in their new house this past week and weekend and I know they are really tired and ready to just rest. I know they are going to be happy there and I am happy for them. They have a great marriage. Something I always wanted but never had. But shit happens. 2 days ago I was at Wal Mart and Michael and I made eye contact and that was very disturbing to me. The way he looked at me was a look he has never given me. After we made eye contact he made a beeline for the back and he stayed in the back I guess until I was out of the frozen section. Its hard to look at him and not think about the 5 years I spent with him. Do I want him back? No i dont...I do miss his presence at times because I hate being alone. I do sometimes miss how he would make me laugh and I miss the michael that I once loved....but people tell him I say I want him back and I have never said that. Me and him tried too many times to make this marriage work and it just wasn't meant to be like I once thought it was. I have moved on and I love someone else now and I hope he has fell in love again to and I do honestly wish him nothing but happiness. I talked to my baby for a while on the phone tonight. It is always so relaxing to talk to her and she makes me laugh. I am so incredibly happy with her. Baby I love you so much and please never forget that. I am gonna go for now but not forever. I Love you CeCe