Crazy day...

Well I got the job. I have to wait on the results of my drug test. I have filled out almost all the paperwork. I hope to start next week. So much drama is going on in my life with some of my family...I am just sick of shit. But I am not going to let other peoples stupidity ruin my good mood. I miss my honey and I really want to see her. I do love her so much. I am tired. I could go to sleep and sleep til in the morning. I gotta stay up tho so I can sleep tonight. I am really ready to start work and be able to move back into my place...it will be so good to be able to go back home. I am going to go for now but not forever. I Love You CeCe

Job Hunting

Well I went job hunting this morning. I went to Magnolia Personal Care Home in New Albany. I talked to 2 women there and had a mini interview. The head woman said they do not have anything right now but that you never know when they will need someone so they are putting my application on top. Then I went over to Graceland in New Albany and filled out an application and had an interview. She wants me to try to get my background records from my last place of employment so I do not have to do the finger printing all over again. There is a position open on 3-11 shift. She told me to let her know if I can or can not get a copy of those records and bring them to her. I am really hoping I can get the job. She asked me about my surgery and stuff. She has to call my references and get me checked out...lol..and she asked could I pass a drug test and I said yes no doubt because I am drug free. She seemed like a nice lady. She said if i got hired that they would train me as long as I needed before assigning me my own list of residents. She talked really positive about it. So I am hoping it will happen. I am just so ready to go back home and be in my place. Ready to start my life new and be happy for the first time in a while. Thats all I am ready for. I am going to go for now but not forever...I Love you CeCe

My crazy day

Well I went to New Albany today to take Aunt Gail some lunch and my car started running hot. She had to come get me and I sat at the Tire Shop with her until she got off work. We managed to get my car home this afternoon. It really sucks knowing I am stuck here at mommas until it is fixed. My honey is not feeling well today. Makes me :(. I have had a headache for 3 days now. It has eased up some in the past few hours so maybe I am getting better. I really miss my love. I just want to hold her and run my fingers thru her hair. She is in Laurel tonight. Im glad she is getting to spend time with her dad. I know how much she misses him and wants to be near him. I have thought about my dad a lot here lately...just that time of year with his birthday and all. Time heals all things people say...ummm...I don't completely believe that. Katie Beth still hasn't talked to me. I think it is funny. She makes no sense sometimes. Rehgan has to have a lot of money by Tuesday or she goes to jail. Im freaking out over it. I don't want her to go to jail. If she does there is nothing I can do about it. I just hate to see huston, makayla and Tucker to go thru that. I guess we will know in a few days what will happen. I am going to be a nervous wreck until then. I have so much I want to type and talk about but I'm not going to. Im gonna go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe!

Daddys Birthday

I woke up this morning with my daddy on my mind. He would have been 65 today. I got up for a few hours and then I went back to sleep. The whole time I was asleep I dreamed about Michael. I woke up crying. I wonder if he realizes today is daddys birthday. If he does I wonder what he is thinking or if he has cried. Daddys birthday is always so hard on me. I have so many mixed emotions and things I have to continue to work through. Later on I am goin to go to the cemetary. I hope the things I have to say will help me get passed a lot of things. Some things I have already gotten passed. I couldn't have done that without my sweetheart. I have never had someone to love and care for me like she does. She helps me all the time and I love her so much for it. The past few days my biological father has been on my mind a lot. I think a part of me wants to find him again. I should have never backed away from him back in 04. I should have kept in contact. I do believe he moved to Jackson. Maybe one day I will have the courage to find him and the courage to apologize for walking away from him. That is something I have to live with everyday. I have 2 brothers by him that I have only seen 1 time and that bothers me. I wonder if Mike (my biological dad) ever thinks of me and wonders how Im doing. I know I do him. Maybe I will start trying to find him again. I think I am ready for that now. Maybe Im thinking wrong...There is only one way to find out I guess. I am gonna go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe

Busy day

This morning I went job hunting and then came home and filled out applications online. Me, mom, and pops cleaned up and straightened up in the music/ computer room. I sure didn't feel like doing it but I did it. It looks a lot better in there now and we have more room to move around. I put a cabinet together. That was very interesting. My right ear is killing me. I do believe I have upper respiratory and Sinusitis. Such fun. I have felt like shit for 2 days now. I have had a headache for 2 days and nothing I take is helping it. Idk what's going on, but I can't let it get me down. If I let it get be down then I'll be down a while. My immune system is shit and I can't let that happen. My honey worked 12-8 today. Very different from her regular schedule. So I am kinda lost right now cause I haven't gotten to talk to her. 8 will be here soon then I can talk to her and see if she had a good day. I miss her already and I have only been back home for 3 days. Thats what loving someone does to you. Constantly miss them when you aren't together. I am tired after working all afternoon in the room out there...guess Im just weak from being sick...guess I am going to rest the rest of the afternoon and night. Katie Beth is still not talking to me. That is fine with me. I do not have time for her childish bullshit. I am so ready to get a job so I can move back home. I hope it happens soon cause I am about to lose my mind!!!!!!! I am gonna go for now but not forever. I love you CeCe

Poem I wrote at 1:30am

Memories

Sitting alone I often recall all the memories in my head.

Sometimes they become so overwhelming that I want to just crawl into bed. 

All the storms of my life are creeping upon me.

All of a sudden I no longer feel safe and free.

As I look around at the place and life i've always known, my past comes rolling back.

I wish at times I could make them go away like never ending feet running track.

They always reappear at times not wanted. 

At times I feel like my life is so haunted. 

Some memories are good and some are bad.

I have lots of happy memories and lots of sad.

No matter which memory it is, it will not go away. 

I guess in my mind these memories will forever stay.

By: Natasha Mills

5/8/2012

1:30 am

Great weekend

Well Friday morning I left my moms and headed south. I arrived in GulfPort around 12 or so. I went to see my honey. I was so happy to see her. I didn't sleep good thursday night so I was really tired by the time I got there. I was kind of quiet and they thought I was in a bad mood or whatever but I wasn't. I slept good friday night and I was in a good mood saturday and we had a good day saturday and Sunday. I really enjoyed riding around looking at houses with them. There are some beautiful houses down there. I hope they will find the perfect house for them. I really like Stephens truck..it is nice. I enjoyed every minute I got to spend with the woman I love. Last night I got emotional for a little while. I always do our last night together. But I pulled myself together. The sex this weekend was great. We did something new and now I am sore but it is a great kind of hurt. I Love touching her body and I love when she touches mine. She is right...I can't resist kissing her. I love kissing her. She kisses me and I completely melt!! I fall in love with her all over again every time I am with her. Ha me and Sylvester finally bonded. He is a cool cat. I'm glad he decided he likes me..lol...LMAO chasin bo around with the tennis racket was so funny. He is a precious dog. I wub him. I really do love it in GulfPort. It is so beautiful down there to me. I was supposed to of went to an interview in Meridian. Well I changed my mind about going. Later I may regret that decision just like many others I have regretted making in my life. I want to get a job of some kind and move back in my trailer and that will bring some of my happiness back. I want to move the beginning of next year sometime. But I think I am going to move to GulfPort. In time I will figure that out for sure. I just had to get the dvd player and shit working for momma. Something was unplugged. We are watching a movie...she said she is glad I made it home safely since I had the flat in Macon. I guess I am gonna watch this movie with her. I gonna go for now but not forever. I Love you CeCe.