YESTERDAY

Yesterday was a terrible day...Me and Trena got in a big arguement and was cussing each other. In 12 years we have never cussed each other out. She said mean things to me and I said mean things to her. But a part of me does not regret anything I said because she has hurt me many times and sometimes people need to be told off. She let me know real quick she was going to find her kids a new God Mother since I'm throwing our friendship away. I love her kids with all my heart. But it is her choice to take me out of the paperwork. IDK who the new God Mother will be. Then my brother calls me and says he just got out of jail. I knew I hadnt heard from him in a day or so. Apparently him and his friend were drunk and out walking the roads and a cop pulled over and asked them where they was going and they said walking to the store. So then the cop said he smelled alcohol and he got out of the cop car and tried to get them to take a breathalizer test and they both refused and they started cussing the cop out and he got 3 more cops to come to where they were and they kept cussing all the cops out and calling them names and told them they aint shit just cause they got a badge on. Well they went to jail and was charged with public Drunk and something else to do with arguing with the cops. Daniel says he didnt do nothing wrong and he is going to take out harrassment papers on them. This was his last chance to get in trouble. Next time he will be in prison and he does not even care. I guess he likes jail. I worry bout him all the time. I just know one day I am going to get a call saying he has OD'd on something or he is in prison or has been shot. I just have a feeling he is going to have a short life because he says he is not going to change because he can't. Cause of his "Gang" people. He says he is in the "gang" because when he goes to prison they will have his back and they all protect each other. Thats such bullshit and it breaks my heart. There isn't anything I can do about it. He is 20 and makes his own decisions in life. All I can do is pray for him and I do that a lot. I have shed many tears worrying about him. I can't worry myself to death tho cause i obvisously see he isnt going to change. Me and Katie went to Ecru for about 30 mins yesterday and when we got back we realized we forgot to let snickers out before we left. I open the door and what do i find? my fav pair of flip flops that I've had for years chewed to pieces...I just fell to my knees and cried cause I had about had all I could handle. I threw her outside. I picked up the pieces and threw them away. I was so mad. Today Paula and Chris and katie are coming over for a Super Bowl party. Not at all excited bout that. Id rather Michael leave and go to their house and me stay here all by myself. But I guess I will just get over it. I have 2 Digornio pizzas that I am going to cook and some cheese sticks. Gotta go get some chips and dip and drinks. Maybe everybody will be happy with that. I wish I had some vodka. Id really love to get fucking drunk and pass out. But can't do that either. I haven't heard from my friend much lately I guess we are not what we used to be. I can't change that either. I got upset a few times but there is nothing I can do about it. I care for her and I hope she knows that. And Ill always be here when she needs me. I just need to kno